Everyone wants to be accepted for who they are.  Mothers are great for that.  While they have high hopes for us, the bottom line is that mothers want us to be happy.  Mothers also quickly learn how their children are similar and how they are are different from them.  The good mothers foster and encourage those differences.  I had a mother like, that even though she worried all the time about me.

My mother tried hard to manage me . . . she figured out pretty quickly that I wasn’t at all like her, but more like her sister.  As a child, she treated me as though I had the same personality as her sister. Worse, my mother felt it was her duty to make sure I learned certain lessons.  It became evident in my teens that I was much more a female clone of my Dad.  So, she got some things wrong.  Fortunately, it wasn’t serious and I think she got most of it right.  All my life she would apologize for thinking that, before I hit my teens, I was probably going to grow up to be a “dumb blond”.  You see, she took the obvious route . . . I seemed similar to her sister and so she made some assumptions.  How many times have we heard one family member say to another? “You are so just like your ______”?  (Fill in the blank with what you heard.)  Do you agree or not?

We do this kind of stereotyping in the workplace all the time.  We look at other people and quickly try to size them up as “like us” or not.  If we think they look like us then we feel comfortable to act in our familiar patterns.  And if they aren’t like us, then we stay on our toes or best behaviour.  We look out for cues and signs.  We actively listen to what is being said and not said.   Those that are different in language, gender, religion or looks stand out immediately and, yes, we sometimes do treat them differently.  Those that are unable to make these distinctions get sent on sensitivity training.

It is passé to say that we need leaders to encourage diversity and inclusion.  The research is clear; diversity has a competitive value. Many attitudes are changing if not behaviours.   There are certain skills and knowledge that can be taught to help us avoid the cultural landmines.  We could all benefit from training on the different cultural dimensions. We need to understand our own mindsets and those of others.  I don’t believe in diversity programs or quotas but that’s another post.

A good example of issues that we need to understand can be found in Hofstede dimensions of  national culture:

• Power Distance
• Uncertainty Avoidance
• Individualism versus Collectivism
• Masculinity versus Femininity
• Long-Term Orientation
• Indulgence versus Restraint

While long term orientation has cultural significance, studies have shown that the ability of delayed gratification shows up in all cultures by the age of four.  I wrote about Marshmallow Experiment in another blog post which indicates that children who are able to wait are more likely to be successful as adults.  Discussing our own concepts and expectations around time can be very enlightening. I like to do exercises around this idea when working with teams.

Inititally, I have found that focusing on individual communication style is a good and neutral way to start the process of embracing differences.  I love to use simple models like The Platinum Rule^® and True Colors^® to bring out and validate the differences and the gifts that each one brings to the team.  This generic approach looks beyond cultural aspects and addresses the different styles in ALL of us.  It respects that while we may fall into one of four categories or types, we are all unique and combination of the styles.  It is pretty easy to create an awareness that we need these differences in order to be as productive and creative as possible.

The real challenge for leaders is how to integrate all the wonderful differences that each of us bring to the work place – regardless of our upbringings.  Leaders must create a space for everyone as well as manage the tensions that differences will bring forth. True, it is not always easy.  What happens when style or values gets in the way and leads to dissension and disagreement?  It takes courage on the part of leaders to deal directly and in a culturally appropriate way.  It means that leaders must be able to manage their own stress while allowing others to express theirs.

While it is “politically incorrect” to disregard the glaring diversity before us, it continues.  Much has been written on gender differences and still in Europe the issue of diversity is usually interpreted at the lack of women in senior positions.  Everywhere it seems OK to treat everyone who is “similar” as if they share our values.  Americans often think Canadians are just like them, but perhaps a little more polite.  We are not.  We may be seen as “respectable”, but sometimes I suspect our perceived politeness comes for a hidden sense of superiority.  As someone who lives with a French Canadian, I assure you that despite sharing a country of origin, we are totally different due to opposite cultural upbringings.  I find us blind to the vast diversity right under our noses. I include myself here.  These days, I am far more concerned about encouraging and embracing the smaller differences amongst us as human beings.

In the end, my Mum discovered she had two very unique children who were quite different from her.  She spent years trying to understand us; often she was unsuccessful. It didn’t stop her from trying or from loving us totally.  From her and my Dad, I learned to give them the same courtesy. I chose to respect their choices.  I worry that I am not as considerate of my own children.

As a child did you feel pigeon holed at school or at home? Perhaps nobody took the time to check their assumptions about you.  In the work place, let’s not continue to make the same mistake. Let us not think that everyone needs to learn the cultural lessons of the organization.  There may be greater diversity, creativity and talent that is being negated due to organizational pressure to adopt a culture of values that doesn’t fit for all employees. It is up to the leader in each of us to make sure those on the fringes feel that there is a place for them to show themselves and thereby want to remain.  It is up to the leader in each of us to honour each difference and encourage each difference to be expressed.  It is not just the right thing to do – it is good business.

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